


And through my tears, the truth spilled out

by Quagswagging



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Family, Feels, Happy Ending, I'm so freaking sorry for the angst, M/M, Mpreg, Past Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Secrets, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-14 14:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18478612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quagswagging/pseuds/Quagswagging
Summary: " 'How far along are you?' he asked softly. Valtteri sighed.'About 2 and a half months… I found out two weeks ago.' he whispered. Max nodded mutely, fingers lightly trailing over Valtteri’s soft skin.'I never got that far.' "Valtteri is pregnant.Max has been keeping a secret from him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry for the sadness and feels, I swear the next chapter will be more fluffy !

“I’m exhausted…” Max yawned as he shuffled into the room. Valtteri looked up from the bed, giving the younger man a gentle smile as Max carelessly threw his coat on the floor and kicked off his shoes. 

“Come here.” Val muttered, gesturing Max over from where he was still seated on the bed. Max crawled onto the covers, dropping his phone on the nightstand before rolling over to Valtteri, letting out a whine once he realised his head was on the same height as Valtteri’s knees.

“Stop complaining.” Valtteri chuckled, trying to pull him up a little. Max sighed dramatically and ended up with his head resting on Valtteri’s stomach.

“Comfy…” he muttered as he nuzzled his face into Val’s tummy, not noticing the way Valtteri abruptly tensed up. Valtteri was frozen, unsure how to push Max off without it being suspicious. He was afraid Max would somehow notice how his stomach had changed, or that the pressure could somehow hurt the baby...

“Val? Did you zone out on me?” Max asked suddenly, and only then did Valtteri realise Max was talking to him.

“S-sorry…” he muttered, voice shaky. Max blinked turning his head to look up at Val, but consequently also digging his chin into Valtteri’s stomach. Valtteri let out a panicked noise and shoved Max off of him. 

“Val? What is going on?” Max asked shakily as the Finn curled into himself, arms crossed over his stomach. Valtteri let out a pitiful sob, avoiding Max’s concerned looks. 

“S-sorry… Did you eat something bad? Do you have a stomach ache..? Do you want me to get you some medicines?” Max rambled, very carefully placing a hand on Val’s stomach again. Val tensed and pushed his hand away.

“Don’t…” He whispered, tears filling his eyes. Max shuffled onto his knees, pressing a hand against Valtteri’s forehead.

“You don’t have a fever…” Max muttered. “How bad are you feeling? Do you need to go to the hospital?” he reached for his phone, but Valtteri caught his wrist.

“Wait… please don’t freak out.” he whispered, sitting up and crossing his legs under himself. Max scooted closer, clutching Valtteri’s hands between his own.

“Just tell me what’s wrong…” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Val’s palm. Valtteri let out a sob, closing his eyes.

“I’m pregnant.” he choked out. He kept his eyes closed, staying still as he waited for a reaction from Max, be it in anger, or happiness. What he didn’t expect was Max rushing from the bed, into the bathroom and making the toilet just in time before starting to throw up. Valtteri got up and headed over to the bathroom, seeing Max braced over the toilet, his shoulders hunched as he sobbed, body occasionally tensing as he heaved. 

“...Max? I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have dropped this on you like that.” Valtteri whispered, kneeling down next to the young Dutchman and rubbing his back. Max turned and threw himself into Valtteri’s arms, his sobs increasing until Valtteri was afraid Max couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Honey, honey calm down…” Valtteri tried desperately, pulling back and using his thumbs to wipe the tears off Max’s cheeks. Max looked heartbroken, but shakily moved a hand to press it over Val’s tummy.

“I’m really happy.” he hiccuped. “It might not look like it, but I am.” he promised, wiping at his face with his sleeves. Valtteri bit his lip, looking down on where Max’s palm was still resting over the hardly noticeable swell of his stomach.

“If you want the baby...then why are you so upset?” he asked softly. Max swallowed thickly.

“I do want to have a little family with you, but I…” his words faltered and he let out another sob. Valtteri pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Let’s find another place to talk about this than the bathroom floor…” Valtteri proposed, carefully helping Max up and pushing him towards the bed. He laid down but Max stayed knelt next to him. The Dutchman swallowed thickly and pushed Valtteri’s shirt up with trembling hands.

“How far along are you?” he asked softly. Valtteri sighed.

“About 2 and a half months… I found out two weeks ago.” he whispered. Max nodded mutely, fingers lightly trailing over Valtteri’s soft skin.

“I never got that far.” he suddenly blurted out. Valtteri frowned, leaning up on his elbows.

“Max, what do you mean?” the Finn asked, pulling him closer. Max sniffled.

“Do you remember last year when I stayed in Monaco instead of going to Finland to see you, that I had to stay home because I had food poisoning?” he whispered. Valtteri nodded. Max lowered his eyes.

“Two weeks before that, I… I did a pregnancy test, and it was positive.” Max said. “i wanted to surprise you with the result in Finland, but the day before I was supposed to leave…” he trailed off, hiding his face in his hands as he started to cry all over again. Valtteri pulled him into his arms, resting his chin on top of Max’s head as he rocked him in an effort to calm him down.

“What happened?” he asked, even if he knew what would come next. Max let out a heartbreaking cry.

“I lost the baby…” he choked out. “I-I must have done something wrong… must not have been careful enough… I-I woke up and I was bleeding, and Kimi brought me to the hospital, but- but they couldn’t do anything…” Max’s whole body heaved, his words strangled and barely understandable between his cries. “I’m so sorry…” 

“Oh darling…” Valtteri sobbed, hugging the Dutchman to his chest. “You should have told me, I’d…”

“I couldn’t…” Max cried. “I-I failed you… I lost our little baby…” They cried together now, Valtteri gently rocking Max as the Dutchman seemed beyond himself in grief. 

“I lost our baby…” Max rambled over and over again. Valtteri sobbed into Max’s hair.

“It’s not your fault, kulta, it’s not your fault…” he tried to console him. 

Max calmed down slowly, his wails turning into soft hiccups. Max finally looked up at him, cheeks red and blotchy. His hands came to rest on Valtteri’s stomach again, and he smiled through his tears.

“I’m… I’m glad we get to try this again, together this time…” he whispered. Valtteri nodded, leaning in to smash his lips over Max’s. He pulled away after a moment, their foreheads still resting together as they simply took comfort in each other’s presence. 

“Promise me you’ll never keep something like this from me again…” Valtteri whispered. Max sniffled.

“I could tell you the same thing.” he mumbled. Valtteri smiled shakily.

“I know, sorry.” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Max’s lips. Max smiled shakily at him.

“Is there anyone else who knows?” he muttered, hands once again rubbing over Valtteri’s tummy. Val nodded.

“Kimi…” he muttered. Max looked up, taking in a sharp breath.

“He is the only one who knew about… my…” he swallowed thickly. Valtteri nodded.

“It explains why he… You should have seen his reaction when I told him.” the Finn muttered. Max sighed, slowly laying down and pulling Valtteri down next to him. Valtteri curled onto his side.

“We need to talk to him.” he said. Max nodded in agreement.

“But tonight… I just want to be with you, with the both of you.” he whispered. Valtteri smiled, nuzzling their noses together. 

“Our little miracle…” he muttered, tangling his fingers with Max’s over his stomach. Max smiled a slightly bittersweet smile. 

“Little miracle indeed.”


	2. Chapter 2

Max swallowed thickly and linked his fingers with Valtteri as they stood in front of the hotel room. When Valtteri didn’t move, eyes pointed down at the floor as he absentmindedly rubbed his free hand over the roundness of his baby bump, Max reached out to gently knock on the door.

It took a while before the door opened, and Max felt like the only thing keeping Valtteri in place was his hand clasped in the Finn’s.

“Valtteri… Max… what are you doing here?” Kimi muttered sleepily as he appeared in the doorway, his hair mused as he rubbed at his face. Max opened his mouth to speak, but wasn’t sure what to say, suddenly feeling awkward all over again. he flinched slightly as Valtteri moved abruptly, stumbling forward and falling into Kimi’s arms.

“Kiitos.” the younger Finn muttered into Kimi’s neck. “For everything” Kimi seemed a little flustered for a moment, but then tightly wrapped his arms around Valtteri’s back.

“Any time.” he answered softly, before sighing and pulling back. 

“How’s the baby” He asked, hesitantly placing his hand on the roundness of Valtteri’s stomach, before tensing and turning to Max.

“When did you..?”

“Val told me about a month ago” Max soothed with a soft smile, shuffling over to hug Kimi too. “And I’m happy.” He clarified. Kimi sighed, kissing Max’s cheek.

“I’m glad. You two deserve this baby.” He muttered. “You’re really starting to show now” he added, drawing Valtteri closer too. Valtteri smiled, rubbing his hand over the baby bump.

“I’m glad we get to do this, together.” He told Max again. Max had a slightly faraway look in his eyes, nodding before biting his lips and looking down to the floor. Kimi sighed, glancing at Valtteri.

“Can I talk to him for a moment?” He asked. Valtteri nodded. 

“I need to pee anyways.” He said, pulling a face as he shuffled further into Kimi’s room and into the bathroom. Kimi and Max stayed near the door, which Kimi had closed by now.

“I know it isn’t easy for you.” Kimi whispered, hand on Max’s shoulder. “I know you might be wishing you were the one carrying the baby.” He said even more softly. Max let out a soft sob, curling into Kimi’s hold.

“I-I just feel like I’ve let them down. Valtteri and… and the child I lost…” he whispered. “I love Valtteri, and I will love this child with all I have… but, but I could have been a father already.” Kimi sighed and gently brushed his hand over the back of Max’s neck.

“I know, I know…” he muttered. Valtteri walked back from the bathroom, quickening his pace as he saw Max was crying.

“Kulta…” Valtteri said as Kimi gently urged the Dutchman into Valtteri’s arms. Max clutched on to Val, one hand moving down to Valtteri’s tummy.

“I love both of you so much, I-I swear!” Max choked out. “I just… I can’t keep thinking of what could have been.” Valtteri let out a shaky breath.

“I know, I understand.” He whispered, holding the younger man close. Kimi sighed, leaning against the door as he looked at the young couple. 

He would protect them, he promised himself, I’ll three of them. That’s what family does after all.

~~  
“Look at this little angel…” Max cooed softly, letting the little baby boy rest against his chest as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Valtteri smiled at him from where he was still sprawled under the covers, dark bags under his eyes. The labour, only a week ago, had taken a toll on him and even though Valtteri claimed to be strong enough to help out with the little one, Max knew the Finn would collapse one day or another if he continued like this. 

“Give him to me, I think he’s hungry.” Valtteri muttered. Max nodded and laid their little son into Valtteri’s arms, the Finn tugging his shirt aside so the infant could latch on to drink.

“Are you okay?” Max muttered as Valtteri sighed and leaned his head back against the headboard. Valtteri gave him a soft smile.

“I’m just tired.” he muttered, before biting his lip. “Do you think it would be okay to invite Kimi over?” he added after a moment. Max blinked in surprise.

“Of course, I think he would love to meet this little cutie.” Max cooed the last part, gently carding his fingers through the little boy’s hair. Valtteri sighed, winching a little as the little baby boy pulled away from his chest and started to wiggle, clearly done nursing.

“I just hope he won’t be offended by the name…” Valtteri whispered as he lifted the infant up to his shoulder, gently patting his back to help him burp. Max sighed, almost in relief.

“That’s why you’ve been so quiet the past few days? Because you’re afraid Kimi will be offended we named our son after him?” the Dutchman said, chuckling softly. Valtteri frowned at him. His retort was interrupted when the baby spit up on his shoulder, Valtteri mentally thanking his awake brain cells for remembering to place a bib under the little one.

“Here, I’ll take him, you call Kimi.” Max said decisively, lifting his son up and cradling him close. Valtteri nodded, folded the now dirty bib up and getting up to throw it in their overflowing laundry basket.

He send a quick text to Kimi - the older man was unlikely to answer calls during the weekend anyways - and was more than surprised when he got a reply almost instantly, Kimi immediately telling him he’d be over within the hour.

“He seems… eager.” Valtteri told Max, who was hovering over the cradle to put the baby to sleep. Max chuckled.

“I can understand why, this is basically his grand child.” he said with a shrug. Valtteri snorted.

“You might rephrase that to uncle or godfather or KImi might possibly kill you.” he said softly. Max straightened up.

“Okay he is asleep, how about we have some lunch? It’s been like 7 hours since I’ve eaten something.” he said. Valtteri raised his eyebrows and looked at the time, realising Max was right.

“Grilled cheese?” he asked. Max grinned.

“Good idea”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi.” Kimi said simply as Valtteri answered the door for him. Valtteri smiled and stepped back to let him in.

“How are you?” Kimi asked as he shrugged off his coat, leaning in for a quick embrace.

“Tired.” Valtteri chuckled. “But it’s worth it.” he lead Kimi into the living room, where Max was seated on the sofa, their little bundle of joy in his arms. Kimi smiled tenderly and walked over, pressing a kiss to the top of Max’s head before looking down on the little one.

“He’s beautiful…” the Finn muttered. Max grinned.

“Did Valtteri tell you his name yet?” the Dutchman said quickly, before Valtteri had time to chicken out (again). Kimi shook his head.

“You were being very vague about it.” he chuckled. “Even Seb said he knew the name already, but he refused to tell me.” he added. Valtteri bit his lip, nervously playing with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.

“His name is Matias.” he muttered. Kimi seemed frozen for a moment, eyes wide and lips slightly parted.

“Matias… Matias like..?” the Finn seemed at a loss for words, which was a first. 

“We named him after you.” Max clarified. Kimi turned to Valtteri, who nodded.

“It was the least we could do after everything you’ve done for us.” he whispered, smiling shakily. Kimi smiled back, stepping closer to pull the younger man into his arms. Valtteri sniffled as Kimi gently rubbed his back. 

“Kiitos.” Kimi whispered to the younger Finn, pulling away and walking over to Max, pressing yet another kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m honoured.” Kimi said hoarsely. Max hummed, slowly standing up.

“Do you want to hold Matias?” he asked. Kimi’s eyes widened quickly taking a step back.

“I well… No I’m good and-” 

“Just hold him, you’ll be fine.” Max said firmly. Valtteri urged Kimi to sit down, pushing a pillow under his arm. Kimi paled a little when Max lowered Matias into his arms, the little baby fussing slightly.

“Hello…” Kimi muttered as Matias stared up at him, pale blue eyes wide. The baby yawned, snuggling back into his blanket as Kimi looked down on him with an awed expression, gently rocking him. 

“He really is perfect…” he repeated. Valtteri sat down next to him, winching a little at his still sore body. Max scooted on to the sofa as well, draping his legs over Valtteri’s lap as he cuddled close. 

“Matias…” Kimi muttered, a smile playing on his lips as he looked down on the snoozing baby. Valtteri yawned and rested his head on Kimi’s shoulder.

“Would be better if he slept as much as his namesake.” He muttered. Kimi chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach him.”


End file.
